I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
