Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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