Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
