You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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