Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
