I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
