at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
