U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i now understand why vodka
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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