when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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