You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
