I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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