I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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