she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
