Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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