last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
