She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
