Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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