I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize