He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
