Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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