So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
