The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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