I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Randomize
