Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
