U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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