ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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