you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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