hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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