you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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