its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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