There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
