she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
