Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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