Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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