i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
