Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize