I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
