It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
