Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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