apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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