That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Farmville is her only friend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You've changed since you got that strap on
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
