Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
