i jhust puked up my retainher.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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