Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
