the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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