Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
