she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
