She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
