can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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