You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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