I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
jump out the window naked night went bad
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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