Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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