So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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