It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
