My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
