proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
