I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
