I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
