he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
