Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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