escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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