i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
