i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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