all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
