Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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