It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
