Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
