dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
